How to Live with Purpose, Power & Joyful Longevity | Andrew Jobling on Resilience, Self-Worth & True Wellbeing

Andrew Jobling on the lies we believe, the habits that free us and why self-worth comes first

TL;DR

• Failure isn't missing the result. It's when you stop trying, learning and adapting.
• Discipline and motivation are only needed until something becomes an unconscious habit. Andrew's rule is 63 days in a row.
• You do what you do because of what you think of you. Write an "I am" list of the traits you genuinely believe and read it every morning.
• You become like the people you spend time with, so choose people who lift you up.

Introduction

Before we recorded, Andrew Jobling and I had a 10 to 15-minute chat. I walked away with two big takeaways that I'd already been putting into practice by the time he came on the show. That's the kind of person Andrew is.

Andrew started at St Kilda at 16, while he was still at school, and played there through uni. He trained as a teacher, taught for three years and hated it. He walked out of a later job with no plan, started personal training and loved it, then ended up part-owning a business that employed 25 trainers. He worked 80-hour weeks, then bought a cafe and pushed it out to 100 to 120 hours. The cafe ended up about $100,000 in debt, and that rock bottom in 2002 became his turning point.

Out of that came the most illogical idea he'd ever had: write a book. His first was published in 2004 and became a bestseller. He retired from PT in 2006, and his ninth book is about to come out. We talked about failure, purpose, self-worth, habits, faith and the people around you.

Lesson 1: Failure is when you stop trying

Insight: A lot of people tell me they want to start a podcast, and plenty of podcasts don't make it past 20 episodes. Andrew's not surprised. Think of gym memberships people pay for and use twice, uni degrees people drop out of and businesses that close.

Breaking into St Kilda took years of rejection, pain, doubt and fear. Andrew kept going because he knew that if he stopped short, he'd have no chance. The same happened with his first book. People told him he was lucky to be a talented writer. In reality, he submitted, got rejected and kept submitting until a publisher said yes.

His belief is that there's no such thing as failure. If you start something with a clear, meaningful outcome and you don't get it yet, that's not failure. Failure is when you stop trying, learning, adapting and coming at it from a different angle.

Action: Think of something you've labelled a failure. Ask yourself whether it actually failed, or whether you stopped adapting.

Outcome: Setbacks become information rather than proof that you're not good enough.

Lesson 2: Success isn't about achievement

Insight: Andrew spent years striving to feel like a winner: professional sport, bestselling author, speaking on stage in front of a thousand people, money in the bank, a six-pack. None of it made him feel truly successful. As a PT, he thought he'd feel successful once he was ripped. He didn't.

What changed was learning to love himself and realising the most valuable thing about him was simply his existence. He also pointed out that how we look will change. We'll all get wrinkles and lose some of the movement we once had. If your worth is built on your appearance, it has a use-by date.

On purpose, he shared a quote often credited to Pablo Picasso: the meaning of life is to find your gift, and the purpose of life is to give it away. He's noticed that many people find their gift through adversity.

Action: Write down what success means to you without mentioning money, looks or titles.

Outcome: You get a definition of success you can actually feel.

Lesson 3: Ask how you want to live, not what you want to do

Insight: On that day in 2002, Andrew sat with his head in his hands. His health, finances and relationship were all in a bad way, and he had no time for anything. He realised that "What do you want to do?" is often the wrong question. The better question is "How do you want to live?"

He started visualising a life where he woke up every morning smiling and loving what he did. That's when the idea of writing a book came to him, despite him struggling with English at school and not being a reader. He had a vision of being a full-time author and speaker, so he kept PT going while he paid off his debts. He followed Robert Kiyosaki's principles about building income-producing assets, built another income stream and stepped away from PT.

People say it was easier back then, when the internet was new. Andrew says the principles haven't changed. It's not the strategy that matters most. It's your commitment to it.

Action: Spend 10 minutes writing down how you want a normal day to look and feel. Then look for one step that moves you towards it.

Outcome: Your goals start serving the life you want, rather than the other way around.

Lesson 4: You only need discipline for 63 days

Insight: People say they weren't motivated or inspired today. Andrew's answer is that you do what you need to do whether you feel like it or not, until it becomes an unconscious habit. Think about brushing your teeth. Most people don't debate whether they feel like it.

His rule is 63 days. Be deliberate about a behaviour for 63 consecutive days, whether it's getting up to exercise, eating breakfast, reading or complimenting five people, and it clicks into an unconscious habit. If you miss a day, go back to day one. Letting yourself off the hook builds a habit of letting yourself off the hook.

His alarm goes off at 4:52 every morning. He rarely feels like getting up, but he's out of bed before he knows it. People call him disciplined because he writes every day. He says it's not discipline any more. It's just what he does.

Action: Choose one small behaviour and track it for 63 days in a row. If you miss a day, start again.

Outcome: The behaviour stops depending on how you feel.

Lesson 5: You do what you do because of what you think of you

Insight: When we were kids, many of us heard things that, in a small child's brain, translated to "you're not good enough as you are." That becomes noise. Andrew says it's the first noise you need to quieten, because if you believe it, all the outside noise gets louder.

He quoted a book called The Power to Change: "You do what you do because of what you think of you." If you're inconsistent, tired or unhealthy, it's worth looking at the belief behind the behaviour. He believes most outcomes in our lives reflect what we believe about ourselves.

Action: Write down the story you tell yourself about your health, such as "I never stick at anything." Then ask whether it's actually true.

Outcome: You start to see the beliefs that are driving your behaviour.

Lesson 6: Write an "I am" list

Insight: Andrew's biggest shift came just before Covid, after his marriage ended. Lockdown forced him to reflect on who he really was. He realised he isn't an athlete or an author. Those are things he does. So he wrote down the character traits he genuinely believes about himself: kind, courageous, persistent, resourceful, empathetic, compassionate and determined.

He says you can't hold opposing thoughts in your brain at the same time. You'll never get rid of the lies, but you can outweigh them by deliberately focusing on the truth. He put his list on the wall and reads it every morning. The key is to back each one with evidence. When you say "I'm courageous", remember the scary phone call you made yesterday. When you say "I'm kind", remember who you helped.

Once you believe those traits, he asks, what's going to stop you? If you're resourceful, you'll work it out. If you're determined, you'll keep going.

Action: Write your own "I am" list with traits you've already shown. Read it every morning for 63 days, with an example for each.

Outcome: Your identity starts to support your goals instead of sabotaging them.

Lesson 7: You become like the people you spend time with

Insight: At one stage, Andrew had a group of friends he had fun with, but they weren't uplifting. He made a deliberate choice to spend time with different people, and now he's surrounded by people who believe in him. If you walk away from people feeling judged or put down, he says, that's where your life is heading.

He was careful to say this isn't about walking away from your family. And it isn't a choice between negative friends or no friends. It's negative friends or positive friends. When you give up what you don't want, you make room for what you do want.

Faith has also become a big part of his life in recent years. When he was struggling with self-worth, the idea that he's loved, even on his bad days, gave him an inner confidence. He doesn't preach it. It's just there with him.

Action: Think about the five people you spend the most time with. Notice how you feel after you leave each of them.

Outcome: You can make more deliberate choices about who shapes your life.

Quick wins

• Pause before you react, whether it's reaching for chocolate or saying something in anger.
• If your mind races in bed, get up, write it all out, close the book and go back to sleep.
• Start a 63-day habit today.
• Write your "I am" list and read it every morning.
• Do something each day that's in your control, like exercise.

Closing insight

I asked Andrew what one thing he'd get everyone to do each day. His answer was to focus on their strengths and why they're good enough, and to decide not to waste a second of this one life. Every morning is a blank page.

He wants everyone to know they don't have to be bigger, prettier, more ripped or richer to be worthy. They're already enough. And from that place, he says, you can go out and make a difference. Don't waste time on what you can't control or the lies you've been told. Focus on the truth and get to work.

Connect with Andrew

Visit Andrew Jobling's website or listen to The Wellness Puzzle podcast.

Listen to the full episode

The full conversation is on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and YouTube, or press play at the top of this page.

Related episodes: Stop Chasing Motivation with David Fullmer and The Long Game with Jon Sabes