Episode 236: How Comedy Can Build Confidence, Crush Fear & Help You Find Your Voice with Jordana Borensztajn

How to move through fear, open up and find your playful side

TL;DR

• Confidence is being who you are and doing what you want, unafraid and unapologetic.
• You never get rid of fear. You learn how much of it you can manage and still move forward.
• Breathe in for four, hold for two and out for four, then smile.
• Open your chest and imagine glitter pouring out of it.
• Write down what annoys you. It's great material and gives you distance from it.

Introduction

Confidence is something I struggle with a lot, so I was really excited to sit down with Jordana Borensztajn. She's a keynote speaker, a former stand-up comedian and, as you'll find out, an accidental magician. She also hosts her own podcast, Fuel Your Confidence.

This was one of the most fun conversations I've had. She even had me writing a joke on the spot.

Lesson 1: Know what kind of confidence you mean

Insight: Jordana splits confidence into personal and professional. Professional confidence is about your skills. Personal confidence, as she describes it, is doing what you want and being who you are, unafraid and unapologetic about it.

You can be great at your job and still not love who you are. She was good at everything she did before comedy, but it never felt like her. When she started being herself and doing what she wanted, her confidence grew.

To work out what you love, she asks: what could you do for hours and never get bored? When you lose track of time and the world around you disappears, that's love, and it's a source of confidence.

Action: Write down the activities that make you lose track of time.

Outcome: You find where your confidence naturally comes from.

Lesson 2: Manage the fear, don't wait for it to leave

Insight: It's a myth that if you do something scary enough times, you'll stop feeling fear. Every time an MC called Jordana's name, she'd think, "Why do I do this? I hate this." Then she'd tell her first joke, the room would laugh, and she wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

She says self-worth will always creep in to some degree. The real question is how much fear you're willing to face and still take the step you believe is right.

Her tools are breathing, movement and music. She didn't know how to breathe properly for the first five years of her comedy career. After exploring Feldenkrais, the Alexander Technique and biofeedback, she found a simple pattern: breathe in for four, hold for two, breathe out for four.

She also points out that resisting nerves feeds the cycle. Your brain and body feed each other. And that extra energy has to come out somewhere, through pacing, shaking or sweating, so it's better to move it intentionally. Her pick is singing and dancing to a song like Tina Turner's "The Best".

Action: Before your next nerve-racking moment, do three rounds of four-two-four breathing.

Outcome: You calm your body so your mind can follow.

Lesson 3: Glitter chest energy

Insight: Our body and our emotional state are directly connected. When Jordana asked me to act like a superhero, I opened my chest straight away. When I acted sad, I closed off. Crossing your arms, hunching or not knowing what to do with your hands all come from a part of you that feels closed off.

Her tip for walking into the gym, which so many people find intimidating, is to imagine glitter pouring out of your chest and spraying everyone around you. It sounds silly, but it opens you up instantly.

Then smile. When we get in our head and feel like we don't belong, the first thing to go is our smile. Smiling sends a different signal through your body that can break the fear cycle. I like to add a simple hello or good morning, which helps break the barrier too.

Action: Next time you walk into the gym or a room, lift your chest, smile and say hello to one person.

Outcome: You look and feel more confident within seconds.

Lesson 4: Take the worst case to the ridiculous

Insight: Our voice of fear is so loud that we rarely challenge it. Our brains love to go to the worst-case scenario. Jordana uses a comedy technique called exaggeration. What's the worst that could happen? Then go worse, and worse again, until it's so outrageous that you realise it's never going to happen.

Say you're nervous about saying hi to someone at the gym. You're not going to break your leg because you said hello. Usually we stop at the first scary thought and never ask what's actually beyond it.

Action: Write down a fear, then keep asking "and then what?" until it becomes absurd.

Outcome: The fear shrinks back to its real size.

Lesson 5: Turn what annoys you into material

Insight: Jordana got into comedy after a terrible date. She went home and called a friend, and by the end of the call they were laughing. She called another friend, added extra exaggeration, and they were both laughing so hard they were crying. She realised comedy was therapeutic, learned comedy theory and soon became a stand-up comedian. Everything that annoyed her became joke material.

Her process is to write down everything that irritates, frustrates or annoys you. Just getting it out of your body and onto paper turns a lived experience into material. That gives you distance and space, and that space helps you regulate your emotions.

She had me try. My pet hate is people sitting on a gym machine scrolling their phones. She used it to teach the rule of three. Lists of three have a natural rhythm, like "ready, set, go" or "lights, camera, action". Set up two items, then flip the third, and the surprise makes people laugh. Now when I see that person on their phone, I'll probably just laugh.

She also loves how Seinfeld finds comedy in the everyday stuff we all use. One of her big mindset shifts was asking what she could see that other people don't.

Action: Write a list of five things that annoy you this week.

Outcome: You release some frustration and start seeing things differently.

Lesson 6: Read the room and acknowledge the awkward

Insight: Against the advice around her, Jordana went from a seven-minute spot to a 55-minute show at the Melbourne comedy festival, because she was writing so fast she had more content than stage time. Comedy taught her the most important skill she now uses as a speaker: reading the room. If the energy is off, you can't keep doing what you're doing. You have to pivot.

She learns more from bad shows than good ones. Did she pause long enough? Comedians often roll over their own laughs. The pauses, the beats and the expressions are the art form.

Comedy also taught her to acknowledge the awkward. If a mobile phone goes off during a corporate keynote, she doesn't fly past it. She stops and asks whose phone it was. Laughter, she says, helps people learn. When we laugh, we're more relaxed, open-minded and able to see different perspectives.

Action: Next time something awkward happens in a conversation, name it lightly instead of ignoring it.

Outcome: You ease the tension and build connection.

Lesson 7: Notice more and never lose your sense of play

Insight: One exercise Jordana loves from one of her teachers is to walk into a room and notice three things you haven't noticed before. It forces you to be present. She started her own mindfulness practice with audio body scans, and it changed how she sees everyday things.

Then there's how she accidentally became a magician. During Melbourne's lockdowns, she'd covered her apartment in glitter and sparkles and run out of creative ideas. Challenged to try something new and be a beginner, she searched YouTube for a kids' magic trick and learned to make a crayon disappear. She fell head over heels in love with it.

Her message to any audience is to find what lights your heart on fire and do it. And never lose connection with the power of play, because it keeps us young.

Action: Try something new this month that makes you a complete beginner.

Outcome: You reconnect with curiosity and joy.

Quick wins

• Breathe four in, hold two, four out.
• Smile before you speak.
• Walk in with glitter chest energy.
• Write down what annoys you.
• Notice three new things in a familiar room.

Closing insight

Confidence doesn't mean the fear goes away. It means you find tools to move through it, whether that's your breath, a smile, a song or a joke. And the more you play, the lighter it all feels.

Connect with Jordana

Visit Jordana's website, follow her on Instagram, connect on LinkedIn or listen to her podcast, Fuel Your Confidence.

Listen to the full episode

The full conversation is on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and YouTube, or press play at the top of this page.

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