Episode 223: Saying Yes to Life – Embracing Happiness, Growth, and Resilience with Christian Ignatavicius

Bringing the travel mindset home and building a life you want to live

TL;DR

• You don't need to be overseas to say yes to new people and experiences.
• If uni or work is crushing you, lighten the load and protect time for friends and interests.
• You can leave the party early and still be a good friend.
• Behind anger is often fear, and your reaction is your responsibility.
• Go to bed on time. It helps everything else fall into line.

Introduction

Christian came in for a chat and a game of pool. He'd just spent most of 2024 overseas, including about five months on exchange at a small university in the Netherlands, then travelling with friends, travelling solo and catching up with family. I loved watching his trip on social media because he's great at capturing moments and places.

He's also studying his master's, getting into ultramarathons and trail running and, as you'll hear, he's a pretty handy pool player thanks to a full-size snooker table at his residential college.

Lesson 1: Bring the travel mindset home

Insight: People told Christian he'd find it hard to return to normal life. He understands why. But what he's trying to do is work out what he loved about being over there, and bring that mindset back so it isn't something he can only feel while travelling.

You can't replicate walking around an old Italian city with someone you met yesterday. But you can bring home the mindset of looking around, learning, meeting new people and saying yes when something comes up.

I think many people need to remove themselves from their everyday life to see it clearly. Christian agreed that when you're stuck in your routine, it can feel like you're going through the washing machine. Getting away doesn't have to mean going overseas. Even an hour's drive and a night or weekend somewhere else can give you perspective.

Action: Say yes to one new invitation or experience this week.

Outcome: You start living with more curiosity at home.

Lesson 2: Balance study and work with things you love

Insight: Christian admits he chops and changes between activities. Everything he does, he does for enjoyment, and if he stops enjoying it, he's happy to step back and reassess.

For students, he says full-time uni is like a full-time job. That makes friends and outside interests even more important. Without them, his productivity and the quality of his work start to drop. His tip, passed on by someone a few years above him, is that if full-time feels too much, drop a subject and pick it up later in a summer or winter intensive. He's done his master's semi-full-time and then part-time, and it's worked well for him.

Action: If your workload is crushing you, look for one thing you can lighten or push back.

Outcome: You keep space for the things that keep you well.

Lesson 3: You can leave early and still belong

Insight: There's a lot of pressure in Australia, especially at uni, to party and drink. Christian was often the one calling it a night early so he could get up and run or work out. He doesn't put himself on a pedestal. It's just his preference.

His advice comes in three steps:

1. Work out your priorities first. You can't look after others before you look after yourself, and you can't put other people's perceptions ahead of what sits right with you.
2. Look around. You're not alone. Others feel the same, and some will find you once you start.
3. Check the friendship. If people keep giving you a hard time for leaving, ask what that friendship means to you. Everyone has different tolerances, and it should be okay to say, "See you later, thanks for coming out."

I see this a lot. People start changing and then slip back because their circle pulls them back in. Focus on yourself and be you.

Action: Next time you're out, leave when you want to, and notice who supports that.

Outcome: You find the people who back the person you're becoming.

Lesson 4: Behind anger is fear

Insight: Christian admits his natural response in conflict is to get defensive. He's learning to take a step back instead and ask why the person is saying what they're saying. Maybe something isn't going well for them. Fighting fire with fire doesn't work. He believes negative energy doesn't cancel out negative energy. It amplifies it.

A mate once told me I never get angry. It's taken a lot of work. A saying that helped me is that behind anger is fear. So when I feel angry, I ask what I'm actually scared of.

Christian added that your reaction is your responsibility. You won't always get to pause and choose how to react. But building the awareness to breathe, relax and look at what's happening gives you a lot of power over your emotions.

Action: Next time you feel angry, ask yourself what you're afraid of.

Outcome: You respond with more clarity and less heat.

Lesson 5: Some setbacks become turning points

Insight: Playing basketball for Melbourne University, Christian blew his knee out, which led to surgery and about a year of recovery. At the time he thought, "Why me?" He was going to miss the season.

Looking back, he sees it as one of those crossroads where the path chose itself. Through the injury, he learned how to overcome a big challenge, met new people, did an internship and found a new direction in his study. If he could replay it, he thinks he'd choose the path where he got injured. He's clear that he couldn't have got there without friends and family in his corner, and that finding the positives doesn't mean lying to yourself.

Action: Think of one hard moment in your past and write down what it led to.

Outcome: You start to see setbacks as part of your path.

Lesson 6: Try it before you go all in

Insight: Christian asked me about starting a business. I knew early that I couldn't work for anybody. But I don't think everyone has to be an entrepreneur, and that's fine.

My advice is to ask whether you'd still want to do it if you removed the money. If yes, you probably have the passion. You don't have to burn your bridges and go all in either. Have a dabble. Work on it on weekends and see if you like it. A lot of people are scared to try and fail, but at least you tried. And you don't need to make a million dollars to succeed. I've got a nice lifestyle, and an extra $200,000 wouldn't change much. Sometimes people are chasing more of the wrong thing.

Action: If you've got an idea, test it in a small way before making a big leap.

Outcome: You learn whether it's right for you without risking everything.

Lesson 7: Sleep first, then keep it simple

Insight: Christian asked what matters most for personal health. My answer: go to bed on time. It sounds simple, but it affects your mindset, your ability to think, your workouts and your digestion. You don't really miss much after 11pm. There'll always be another big party.

After sleep, make slightly better food choices. You're going to eat anyway, so just choose a little better. And for exercise, start small. If you don't have time for a full workout, do 10 push-ups and 10 squats a few times a day.

Christian has been learning the same lesson with his running. Not every workout needs to be a bone-cruncher. Easy runs at lower heart rates are helping him build his weekly kilometres. As he said, growth doesn't come from one massive workout every fortnight. That's only about 26 workouts a year. It comes from three or four smaller sessions a week, done consistently.

Action: Pick a bedtime and stick to it for a week.

Outcome: You give everything else the best chance to improve.

Quick wins

• Say yes to one new experience.
• Protect time for friends and hobbies.
• Leave the night out when you're ready.
• Ask what fear sits behind your anger.
• Go to bed on time.

Closing insight

Christian also shared a beautiful story. His grandfather played basketball for Australia at the 1956 Melbourne Olympics. Not long ago, a sports journalist wrote an article about him, and both Christian's dad and a relative in Lithuania they didn't know they had reached out to thank the journalist. He put them in touch, and Christian and his dad met their relative and explored Lithuania and Latvia together. It's a great reminder of what can happen when you stay open and say yes.

Listen to the full episode

The full conversation is on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and YouTube, or press play at the top of this page.

Related episodes: Mic'd Up With Jess: Yoga, Mindful Eating and Balance and The Real Meaning of Resilience