Episode 226: Breaking the Cycle: Ferdi’s Inspiring Story of Change and Growth

Change is scary, uncomfortable and necessary

TL;DR

• Change starts with a choice and taking accountability for your actions.
• Put your reasons in front of your face, literally if you have to.
• Find something you were good at when you were younger and go all in.
• Talk yourself into action, especially when your bed or the couch is calling.
• What someone did in the past matters less than what they're doing now.

Introduction

Ferdi and I train at the same gym. Not many people would come on a podcast and share a story like his. Drug use, dealing, prison and violence. To break that cycle, he's had to give up pretty much everything and everyone he knew.

He grew up around Dandenong and Keysborough in Melbourne's south-east. By 17, he was a Victorian Taekwondo champion, had won the Australian Championships and was running his own club with 50 students. Then life took a big turn.

For the past 12 months, he's been on a drug treatment order program, living a completely different life. When we recorded, he was starting his personal training course the next day. I've got goosebumps just thinking about it.

Please note: this blog discusses drug use and recovery. It shares Ferdi's personal experience and isn't medical advice. If you or someone you love needs support, contact the National Alcohol and Other Drug Hotline on 1800 250 015, or Lifeline on 13 11 14.

Lesson 1: Take accountability for your choices

Insight: Ferdi doesn't blame anyone else for the path he took. Being young and popular in the area brought in the wrong crowd, but he's clear that it was his choice. Once he isolated himself and took a hard look at himself, he realised he'd been blaming everyone else for everything he'd done.

He described the lifestyle as a capsule. He got out of prison and went straight back into it, because that's what he knew. The friendships turned out to be about the hand that feeds them, and when things went wrong, nobody was there.

Action: Pick one area of your life you're not happy with, and write down the choices you've made that got you there.

Outcome: When you own your choices, you also own the power to make different ones.

Lesson 2: Put your reasons in front of your face

Insight: When Ferdi decided to get clean, he did it without family or support. What he had was a pen, paper and a hotel room supplied by the program. So he wrote all over the walls. His name. Stop. Think of the kids, think of your mum, think of your sisters, think of the future.

The cravings hit hardest when he got into bed. The last thing he saw when he flicked the lights off was those messages, and they'd replay in his head. He found it even helped him sleep. He'd tried walking and bike rides to fill in time, which helped, but seeing the reasons in front of him worked best for him.

Action: Write down why you want to change, and stick it somewhere you'll see it every day, like your bathroom mirror or phone lock screen.

Outcome: Your reasons are right there when you need them most.

Lesson 3: Go back to what you were good at

Insight: Ferdi's advice for anyone going through something similar is to look back at what you had a talent for when you were younger. If you were good at drawing at school, become a master at drawing. For him, that was fitness. The gym became his best friend.

He got out of prison weighing 126 kilos after rapidly gaining weight on a diet of chocolate, chips, noodles and soft drink with no exercise. When we recorded, he'd weighed himself at 94 kilos. He started with high-rep, lighter-weight workouts, which is a good way to get lots of movement in safely when fat loss is the goal. Now, he's focusing on building muscle and has found a new spark in Olympic lifting.

Action: Write down one thing you loved or were good at as a kid, and find a way to do it this week.

Outcome: You have something positive to put your energy into.

Lesson 4: Talk yourself into action

Insight: I asked Ferdi how he takes action, and he said you've just got to do it. But he also uses a trick. One morning, after breakfast and a coffee, he lay down for what was meant to be a second and reached for a pillow. That's when he started talking to himself. Get up. Get up.

He does the same thing to prep his food. Get up, the market's open today and closed tomorrow, or you'll spend 50 bucks on takeaway. No one's holding your hand. It's just you and your thoughts.

I think self-talk is underrated. It can seem weird, but questioning yourself and asking why you're doing something is powerful.

Action: Next time you catch yourself putting something off, say out loud what you need to do and why.

Outcome: You interrupt the comfortable choice before it wins.

Lesson 5: Get comfortable being uncomfortable

Insight: We all know the better choice, so why is it so hard to make? Ferdi says it's because that choice is uncomfortable and scary. He compared it to KFC. Once you've had it, you'll always remember the taste. Someone who's never had it will never crave it.

His advice for people at the gym who aren't seeing results is to get out of their comfort zone, and to forget about the scales to begin with. The results you see and the way you can move are a thrill money can't buy.

Action: Choose one uncomfortable thing you've been avoiding, and do the smallest version of it today.

Outcome: You build proof that you can handle discomfort.

Lesson 6: Performance isn't always health

Insight: When Ferdi competed, he fought at 68 to 72 kilos, training up to six hours a day. He once had to lose four kilos in 24 hours to make weight, sweating it out in a sauna suit before a fight.

I've worked with a few boxers, and that whole weight cutting and dehydration process is a great example of how performance and health are two different things. Somebody stepping into the ring might look amazing, but they're not necessarily at their healthiest.

Action: Ask yourself whether your current training goal supports your long-term health, or only how you look or perform.

Outcome: You train in a way that serves you for years, not just for one event.

Lesson 7: People can change

Insight: Ferdi asked me what mindset he should take into his PT course. I said reading people is the hardest and most valuable skill. Most people know they need to eat better, sleep better and train, but you're asking them to do uncomfortable things. They need someone they can trust. You also need patience. Sometimes people aren't ready to make certain choices yet, and that's okay.

I think Ferdi's experience will give him an edge, because he understands how hard change can be. He said that finding people who were open to hearing his story and giving him a chance has been crucial to his recovery. What someone did in the past doesn't matter as much as what they're doing now.

Action: Think of someone you've written off because of their past, and consider giving them a chance.

Outcome: You might be the support that helps someone change their life.

Quick wins

• Write your reasons down and keep them where you'll see them.
• Pick up something you loved as a kid.
• Talk yourself out of bed when it counts.
• Forget the scales for now and notice how you feel and move.
• Be kind. It costs you nothing.

Closing insight

For the first time in his life, Ferdi has set himself a goal and made a plan to achieve it. He said it feels like freedom. His parting words were to stay focused, keep your heart open and be safe. Family is crucial, but support can also come from a total stranger. It's absolutely free to be kind.

If you're facing a big change of your own, his advice is simple. Be real with yourself. If it's not working, change the plan.

Listen to the full episode

The full conversation is on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and YouTube, or press play at the top of this page.

Related episodes: Lessons on Health, Growth and Longevity Plus Listener Q&A and Most People Quit Right Before It Starts Working